When the People Pleaser Plays Pretend

Maybe

I could bring up a topic I like

Maybe

I could disagree just one time

Maybe

I could suggest I’m right when I know I am

Maybe

I could quit smiling when I don’t feel so glad

Maybe

I could say no when I don’t want to

—

There’s a compulsive people pleaser

burrowed in my subconscious–

in a crowd of differing opinions,

I honestly don’t know what I want,

the brewing hiss drowns out my own thoughts,

sweeps them away to the friendly ocean

I go with the flow,

so helpful,

“yeah, of course I’m fine with that, no problemo!”

—

Yeah, of course I expect a bomb of rage

when I disagree,

doesn’t everyone?

Yeah, of course I defuse the tension

like a hare leaping out for the wolves about to go at each other’s throats

cuz they’re a little hungry and ornery about it,

yeah of course I feel guilty

that the person across the table is upset they lost the game

I should’ve picked up on that,

yeah of course I give the people what they want

I’ve been raised to believe

the food pyramid was built on me

that I had to play nicely

to reality

to help others survive

—

Yeah, but maybe

eye contact is stupid

Maybe

it’s not my problem

Maybe

I’ve ignored my instincts to run for too long

Maybe

I still don’t know where to go

but maybe

my hare-people will find me

while I flee

and guide me to safety.