***
Examine, Isabel,
why you removed yourself
from all this feeling.
Isabel, Clarissa,
sitting in a tree,
best pals forever,
don’t you see,
first leave family
then hurt friends
then earn witch names
on a graduation stand.
First comes love,
then comes terror,
then comes capture
at a dark school no one’s ever heard of.
Mayhap they should’ve let us die
in the desert
in our broken down truck
instead of giving us
shelter
where the realms met uncomfortably.
We escaped twice through the flickering door, you and I–
or was it three times, you’ll have to correct me–
but never turned up in Australia in the same century.
That
second or third try
killed our hope
of ever going home,
so not long after the demons brought us back (again)
we moved out of the small bedroom they gave us
and asked if they’d sign us up for classes–
if you can’t beat them,
join them,
and beat each other
but only behind
each other’s backs.
My heart always had a purpose,
though my mind never knew it–
of course I loved magic,
loved the idea of waving a wand
to complete my chores
or fix a broken engine,
loved the idea of flying
over traffic jams
and crowded grocery lines.
My heart always knew
it should be more powerful
than any human who had ever lived.
And the scent of girlhood
kept these memories:
if you can’t be the best
take down the best,
stand on the pyramid of your fallen peers.
And if the rest
try to topple you,
treat them like friends
until they let down their guard
then stab them.
My heart always had a purpose
for power
though the seeds never grew
until given the chance.
But no, your disappearance
isn’t why
I broke this piece of me,
cut off its eternal rhythm.
Your disappearance
was a result
of my knowing you would’ve done the same to me
in a heartbeat.
Jordyn Saelor 