Do I take this for a sign
of the breakdown of society?
Or evidence for the inner voice asking if I’m fully human?
I play video games
but only multiplayer ones
because I always pick the support character (the healer, the one making everyone else better, but who’s less-than-great at standing on their own)–
it gives me purpose,
saving people’s lives,
rescuing them from danger.
In a battle on the screen,
I’m great at communicating
where I am, what I give, what I need.
Is this the sign
of society’s breakdown?
Or is this just my brain?
Because I don’t even know what to say
when someone asks to my face if I’m feeling okay.
I don’t know how to read
in the flesh,
and I fear I’ll do more damage than healing.
I leave a party in the dark,
the clouds blocking out the stars,
but even if I could see them they still couldn’t tell me
how everyone gets on chatting so well,
how to actually enjoy the food instead of barely picking out a few things I can stand.
How do I stand, fighting these battles on my own?
Because on my own, I don’t know.
So maybe this is the truth evidencing my inhumanity: the people at the party didn’t have to fight,
eating wasn’t a battle
and neither was speaking
and answering how they’re living just came
as naturally as breathing.