previous part: https://jordynsaelor.com/2026/10/01/now-above-once-under/
all parts: https://jordynsaelor.com/cant-catch-me-now/
***
I don’t belong to you
and I can’t offer what you’re asking me to,
even with another decade of practice:
I
cannot
understand
the words of a god,
much less
its mysterious depths
so you may want me
for a friend
or minister
but I cannot be–
I’m just
a stranger to many lands
learning
that maybe I don’t like you
even though you’ve helped me–
No, but do you have any friends here?
A home where you feel loved?
I didn’t tell it the truth
but it probably already knew
I
had a rooftop to sleep
and places to eat
but
even though I ate in the shacks
paid for by healing
the people hardly talked to me
and even if they did,
and we became friends,
how could I trust anyone
to take care of me
without demanding more of me
than what they gave?
And therein lay
the crux of my problem in this realm;
they all
vaguely thought of me as a threat
but if they got past that
I’m sure
I’d treat them as the threat.
Not even you, I told the deity,
A powerful being of many realms,
are beneficial enough
to demand nothing of me.
What do you care about
my home,
my happiness,
what I know of love?
The sea said,
in whispers
and waves
and crashes on rocks: If you know
about love,
I think that would be enough for me
To feel like I had a friend.
So I stalked from the river,
fins in the sand,
thinking back,
I’m not being your friend,
Find some other god
To like you.
Find someone
truly equal
to care about you,
I said I didn’t care
when you brought me here
didn’t care
about doing whatever you say
didn’t care
but I do
and I always do
and I
just want to live my life
or
figure out what that means
then live it.
The sea laughed,
swirling like salt
and dangerous
blooms, Right back at you,
little friend. Quit coming to me
with your problems
And I’ll quit coming to you.
Go
and live
for yourself now,
not for anyone else,
because losing yourself
will never lead you home.
***
header photo by Alexander Mass on Pexels.com
get the completed Death Magic Duology at this link
