into the roaring storm

table of contents

***

so no

you stupid fates

just existing

isn’t rewarded with happiness,

I am a rainbow

or water,

either one it doesn’t really matter

but I quit working out

when I realized I basically couldn’t die

and now

I need to move along

toward happiness

wherever that is

but I don’t know how–

does this even make sense?

I’m not an analogy witch.

I’m just a me-witch,

whoever “me” is.

You’re the fates;

you’re supposed to know stuff like this,

you’re supposed to have all the answers

or at least fabricate them–

if I’m just existing,

I’m just a puddle of water

getting bored under the sun

or I’m a rainbow bowl trying to please her

and how is that worth it;

where do I go

when the answer is anywhere

and anywhere is the same–

anywhere I go,

I’m just me.

And I’m just trying to

prove something

to someone.

And I’m just

trying to fill myself up inside.

And the power, the magic,

the guilt,

the punishment for my own guilt–

none of it

fills me up

for long enough.

So I just thought,

I don’t know,

happiness might

load me up like a pistol

so I could aim for anything and win,

I thought it might

buoy me like a log

content to carry on

wherever the river of life takes me.

But if that’s all you got,

that I exist–

gee, thanks, fates.

You’ve totally

just filled

the hollow

hole in me.

Why didn’t I think of that?

I exist.

Guess I’m

better now.

And the fates said:

you exist.

You hold your future.

So I said

goodbye

and walked back into the steaming fields.

***

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