Bad Apples/Puns

abstract apple
Photo by JJ Jordan on

If you threw your phone

across the room, well,

that apple’s phlone

far from the tree

with its smelly feet

you know I gotta rhyme feet with feat

and be proud of that feat

don’t worry, it’s not cracked,

it’s drip we fleeced

nice and nieced

made of rutabaga and sliced

and everything spice,

the everything bagel ate you

I never saw that movie

but I did see the un-movie

un-groovy goofy Luffy,

sorry, blame autocorrect

on my cracked iPad

rather than tampon




Saint Nick lst his O’s

and replaced ’em with a’s


to header rays

like a pip pip cheery :O

to a sip sip cherryade

cherry bombs

color the tombs

they don’t have those in rom-coms

but maybe in the Bahamas,

we got the nom-noms and chom-chomps,

so we’re gettin’ it bit in a skittle fit sit.

Oh mannequin at midnight,

wooden eyes

don’t cry

loose the cannoneer my dear queer deer

and knock up netflix to fix a mix with nesquik

I want chocolate powder re-run hour

pockelette chowder phonin’ in fake flour,

no soaky pokey in the moat

but does it float?

What “it”

your sanity “it”

does it fit

does it float

you dropped your polly pockelette

and it don’t float

it broke the boat

like a proper GOAT would

Greenwood, Harrieta Greenwood,

of the new greed?

Pick up a stiletto

stick up a piletto

a piano, Luffy,

we bought a piano,

Aria, no, not the grande

that’s the wrong day

yesterday’s play

quit pickin’ and pokin’ the cray-

on, wax off, Maximoff,


I know hexes

like I’m flexin’

they twist reality

like a pizza’s sweet cheese

and we all know

the headers’ gonna cheddar

get their greasy fingers on our Peggy’s ol piano

no scales can save tomorrow

sad you know,

but Luffy, hon, it’s time we go,

you wanna give them your best ho ho?


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