How Heartstopper ripped apart my heart

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If you don’t know what Heartstopper is, I have the unfortunate news that this article will not help you figure that out. Except for this one paragraph summary–

Heartstopper: the Netflix show based on Alice Oseman’s graphic novels, featuring Nick and Charlie’s budding romance in a British boys school, and an ensemble cast of their friends and classmates–Tao, Elle, Isaac, Darcy, Tara…

If you want more details, well, you could watch the show:) It got 100% from critics and 98% from audiences on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s heartwarming and sweet and wholesome and, tragically, it ripped open a piece of my heart.

But, like, in a good way?

I don’t know.

Let’s ramble about feelings, shall we?

SPOILERS AHEAD so go watch it first.

lskgha;gklahga;aklg. There. Accurate description of my feelings.

Okay, now I’m going to try and express my thoughts more eloquently than that.

So.

Elle just existing as a character in any show is amazing. Trans girl with regular teenage problems, crushes, going bowling with friends…Go Elle.

The number of supportive adults for the teens is ridiculous, I want that many supportive adults in my life.

Mental health struggles exist across the episodes, but they don’t figuratively block out the sun, casting the whole show in shadow. Charlie’s got anxiety and sometimes isolates himself and that’s so relatable.

I relate to Nick googling “am I gay?” ten thousand percent; I relate ten thousand and one percent when he’s taking the online gay quizzes and doesn’t know what answer to put.

Do…do people relate to characters and shows like this all the time? Because I think this might be the first time I’ve ever watched something and laughed at how I totally do that thing too.

The soundtrack…I play it sometimes while writing, and get all nostalgic and sorta feel like crying and I want to re-watch the show for like the 5th time.

The party scene with Tara and Darcy makes me want to squeal and dance alongside them to “Clearest Blue.”

Nick and Charlie hugging after Nick shows up in the rain makes me want to cry happy tears like those clouds are my eyes.

I get to the episode with the beach date and want to start the series at the beginning again so I can re-build up to that moment where they shout about being boyfriends.

Rude people exist. But it’s so satisfying when our friend gang sticks up for themselves and choose to be themselves instead of letting rude people define them.

Then I want to cry about my life, because I don’t have positive relationships like Nick and Charlie, Tara and Darcy, Tao and Isaac in my life, and I don’t know how to figure that out.

I love the snow scene, I love the milkshake scene, I love Nick being honest with Imogen and her sticking up for him in their friend group, I love the cartoon graphics, I love Charlie’s sister (she’s actually the best), I love Nick coming out to his mum ugh this show.

It ripped open my heart. In the way that I’m happy for all the characters and it makes me happy, but I also just keep re-watching it by myself because no one around me gets it the same way.

You know?

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