When the company’s like family

Company Incorporated, Co. treats its employees just like family!

Your sweet sister is everyone’s favorite receptionist; she smiles at the people when they come in, then loses herself in her phone for the workday. “Never a complaint out of her,” the boss praises, “I don’t know what she does, but she sure does it well!”

Over here we’ve got your martyr mother, leading the board meeting on next quarter’s budget. To save money, she wants everyone else to give up company lunches, just like she started doing 6 months ago–she makes sure everyone knows how difficult it’s been for her to eat lunch all alone everyday (such a saint).

Over there is your self-absorbed father, working from 6 am to 7 pm between his hour-long commutes, he never talks to anyone aside from the intern running to order coffee, or his boss, in hopes of proving himself an excellent candidate to lead the upcoming Big New Project.

You’ll have to cover your brother’s shifts, he hasn’t shown up for a few weeks because he had a bad break up. He’s just so charming, your little brother, so we made sure his career will be right here waiting for him when he returns. We just need you to cover all his shifts for the next month or so, that’s not too much to ask, is it?

On the third floor of the building your other brother blasts his music, you should be cautious around him, he’ll fight you over who gets the restroom first, leave his dirty laundry on your office chair and chuckle about how upset that makes you.

Your second sister’s going on maternity leave, so we’ll need someone to cover her work in the lab, plus take care of her baby overnight because she can’t function without eight proper hours of sleep. You, however, have lots of practice with interrupted sleep, so could you take that role, for the family?

Your grandma’s retiring soon, aren’t you so happy for her? I hear she’s taking a cruise in the Caribbean. Unfortunately, someone’s got to take her workload until your sister’s baby has graduated from our school of choice and can do the work for her. Not saying that has to be you too, but, you know…don’t you want to do something nice?

Did you hear? Your cousin, the intern from last year, is getting married? Moving out? How fantastic for him, right?

Did you hear? Here, you’ll be treated just like family!