From, New York

Give me a piece of your soul

So I can go

Worlds away

And always keep a dream of you with me,

Whispering,

“Everything’s going to work out okay.”

—

No home can keep me safe

So I’m running

After a feeling,

nameless,

But it lights up my heart so bright

It can cast the darkest demons a dull,

Washed-out blue.

Blind them,

Make them bury

Reptilian eyes inside clawed hands,

Make them wail with burn wounds

Breaking through their scales.

I’m after that feeling,

Blindingly powerful,

I’m chasing

That nameless feeling

Of stretching out bigger than my skin,

Bigger than the bedsheets I cower under tonight,

Bigger than the sleep-deprived headache drilling behind my eyes,

Bigger than the memory-laden home terrifying me to live in.

—

Carry it all,

Carry these dreams

These memories

Yank on the lightbulb cord

And bloom the tulip’s truth,

Washed white, knife-like,

Across the bedroom

(this is who we used to be, here, in the sunlight).

Keep my forbidden wants

Rising to the heavens alive,

Welcome them whole-heartedly into eternity’s arms

(is there a place here, for me?)

Give me my soul

Aching into pieces

A respite from the war

Bombarding my safekeeping.

—

I don’t wanna go.

I want this home–

Glowing like a hearth,

Cozy with hot cocoa

And paper maps of snow forts–

To give me every hopeful freedom

I’ve ever wanted.

Give me sleeping how I need,

Give me my friends on the couch beside me

Laughing at our characters

Wild in this art

On the television screen

In our stories.

—

Carry these memories,

These dreams,

Photo-flash them into stars forever orbiting my heart.

I don’t wanna go

I still need

This haven of dreams.

Who would I be,

Without any stars in my sky

Guiding me away from the deep blue demons,

To a paradise I crave

But have never seen?

I’m running after a feeling,

fleeting,

I’m fleeing from home–

This light,

Nameless and powerful–

Please let it be enough

To save me.

***

I actually wrote this poem in the state of New York–hence the title.

If you enjoyed this, I would appreciate a (New York style) pizza!